Rogue (2007)

Well now, a film about a giant salt water crocodile terrorising a group of tourists. Kind of like Jaws on a tidal river right? Surely that’s a formula that can’t go wrong, right? Eeeep WRONG! What a croc of s**t. No seriously I haven’t felt less empathy for a bunch of characters in my life. Actually calling then characters is an insult to characters everywhere. And as for suspense, erm nope none of that either. Drama? No not a drop. Blood, guts and gore? I have seen more in Postman Pat. Sexy ladies or (for those of the other sex) hunky men? Nope. A story, surely there’s a story? If you count three sentences as a story then yes, otherwise no there’s no plot.

If you really want to see a truly pathetic film that epitomises everything that a film shouldn’t be then this is the film for you. However if you aren’t a mindless moron that cant breath without your mouth open and require a third party to mop your drool up for you then stay far, far, far away from this film!

I actually wish I had a no stars graphic now. Maybe that’s another rainy day job for me.

[EDIT] Couldnt wait for a rainy day so here it is now a ZERO star film woohoo :)

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